'They don't value you as a person': Selfish mother relies on 21-year-old sister to babysit, freaks out when she asks to be compensated

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 13, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

It's nice to help out your family members every now and again. It's what they're there for, and it makes you feel good too. Especially when it comes to babysitting, it's a fun and helpful way to chip in, and you get to develop a relationship with the child. That's something that you and the child will share for the rest of your life. They'll have fond memories of being taken care of by their older cousins, aunts, uncles, or friends, and you'll be the hero who helped out. 

But, like anything, there's of course a line that shouldn't be crossed. You have your own life too, and need to be protective of your time. You have things to do, places to go, and a life to live according to your schedule. Sure, love is about sacrifice, but it's not about sacrifice all the time. That's what happened to one woman whose time was being devalued. Read on for the story.

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  • 01
    RS2X
    via Markus Spiske
  • 02
    AITA for refusing to babysit my sister's kids for free anymore?
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 03
    Hey Reddit, I'm 21F and I've been helping my older sister (28F) by babysitting her two kids (4M and 2F) for almost a year now. She works full time, and because I'm currently in college with a flexible schedule, I've been the go-to babysitter. Initially, I didn't mind because I love my niece and nephew, and I wanted to help out my sister since I knew she was struggling with money.
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 04
    But here's the thing: I was doing it for free. No compensation, nothing-just the "thanks, sis" at the end of the day. I didn't mind because family helps family, right? But recently, my classes have gotten harder, I've taken on more hours at my part-time job, and I'm just tired. I approached my sister and told her that I'm happy to continue babysitting but would need some sort of payment or at least a more manageable schedule.
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 05
    She FLIPPED out. She told me I was being selfish and that family shouldn't charge each other. She said she couldn't afford a sitter and relied on me to keep working. I told her I'm not trying to hurt her, but I need to focus on my own life too. Her response? "If you loved your niece and nephew, you wouldn't be asking for money."
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 06
    That hurt, a lot. Now my parents are involved, saying I should just help her because "that's what family is for." But none of them are offering to step in to babysit themselves.
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 07
    AITA for setting this boundary, or am I being selfish by asking for payment for my time and energy?
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 08
    toffifeeandcoffee 10h ago • NTA And I would stop watching her kids alltogether. Your sister and your parents made it rather clear that they don't value you as a person and only care for what you have to offer, taking care of the golden child's offspring for free.
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 09
    You won't get payment or any kind of real support when you need it. To them, you are convinient to use without real afford.
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 10
    • Aggravating_Plane755 11h ago NTA! You were helping your sister out, but now you can't. That's it. I get that it takes a village to raise children, but you cannot be the whole village. Your sister could ask other people or try to find another solution. And you didn't tell her outright to off, you just asked for a better schedule.
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 11
    Few_Professor_3719 • 11h ago I don't think you're being selfish for setting boundaries with your time and energy. Your family should get that, along with babysitting, you've got college and a part-time job. You're not a superhero, and there are only 24 hours in a day. I hope you can figure this out without it causing any issues.
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 12
    CinnamonBlue • 10h ago How come in all these babysitting posts there is never a spouse mentioned?
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 13
    PieknaFatso • 10h ago - NTA but you shouldn't have raised the topic of payment in this context. You're too busy and can't do it as much anymore - completely understandable.
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 14
    • JollyForce9237 · 8h ago NTA Ask your parents how many hours. at week they are volunteering to babysit for free. You need to put yourself first, it's your sisters children not yours.
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 15
    Flat Swan4533 10h ago If sissy loved her kids she'd find a way to have them taken care of that didn't require taking advantage of others. Sissy would have made plan A through Z with backups to make her kids life work. Selfish mummy your sissy is. NTA
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 16
    honeybabybear05 • 10h ago NTA!! You need HARD boundaries like yesterday!! Been there done that, i wonder why Older sisters are like that. OP Hugs
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 17
    Worried_Suit4820 8h ago . Your parents are continuing to push you to babysit so they don't have to do it; stay strong OP.
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 18
    anxious_crafter323 • 10h ago NTA you are under no obligation to babysit, period. Family helping family is nice, but you don't need to give up your life, it's about helping when you can. But it sounds like if it's between your work and you watching them for free, you're totally fair for asking
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 19
    to be paid for working less hours or only watching them when you can. You're in school and an adult as well. Expenses of your own come up too. If you were working, you'd be making money that you're giving up by not.
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 20
    Time-Tie-231 · 9h ago NTA You are entitled to time for yourself and you are being used. But being paid will not give you more time (unless it means you would cut back on your other job) Your sister had some choice about having children. Let her deal with it.
    via u/maddiexxlopez
  • 21
    As usual the family is telling you to help family while no one is helping you or considering what you need.
    via u/maddiexxlopez

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childcare Babies family drama aita infant kids moms parenting babysitting cute kids pregnant sister reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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